Carry

Dec. 8th, 2016 08:41 am
fj: (Default)
[personal profile] fj
Chop wood, carry water. Chop wood, carry water.

Chop wood carry water, prep your protein secondary meals for the week. Take those hours on the weekend to shop the week, make your meat and sweet potato soup, make the frittata, make the breakfast. Chop wood, carry water.

Chop wood carry water. Do your best at work. Chop wood carry water, another wireframe, another presentation, helping out another person, speaking up but paranoid it is too much, take the long train to remote meetings. Chop wood carry water. Chop wood carry water.

Chop wood another gym session carry water twice a week with an intense trainer. Pre-bed shake. Supplements.

Chop wood fight your weekend laziness to be on time to see your friends. Carry water fight your social passivity to even show up. Carry water worry you are neglecting those that want to be with you.

Chop wood, carry water: don't get wrapped up in the end goal. Laugh because you realise you'll never make them anyway, you are just trying to get as close as you can to accomplished, or maybe just safely continually employable, safe, and muscled big and socially apt and have a super friends posse and make the planes home. Chop wood it's all self-centred anyway.

Carry water, run through an airport again.

Chop wood carry water, portion your energy when fatigue hits you. Keep executing at work, keep working out to create energy, carry water stop maintenance on other things so you can sleep longer. Chop wood efficiently find time with minimum time off to get checked out. Carry water just keep showing and waiting and pushing to get a diagnosis.

I think my version of adulthood is that I no longer try to reward myself with food or hiding or stopping. My version of adulthood is being in an outpatient waiting room for a procedure you know will suck, and having woken up and time, and selected the bag from your collection of bags that will be the most useful in the hospital today, and finding yourself carefully folding and rolling your cardigan and shawl so they will take the least space.

Chop wood carry water, don't do anything stupid. Chop wood carry water, indulge in sugary stuff only on Sundays, notice how defined your arms and legs are, be leaner than ever. (If only you could add some real mass). Chop wood carry water but somehow everyone around you does lines of coke on weekends and doesn't sleep and makes Director as a banker and has killer bodies and they all know each other.

My version of adulthood. Chop wood, carry water do the right thing. You're on antibiotics now so take your pill, properly, twice a day. Don't let anyone, including yourself, down. Chop wood carry water people can count on you. Chop wood carry water but the years only make it harder.

I don't want to be any other way. I don't want to regret not having been diligent enough or not tried hard enough. I just wish it worked better.

Date: 2016-12-09 09:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] earthling177.livejournal.com

Oh, wow! :'-(

Beautifully written, as usual, but beyond that, I tend to stay out of Facebook, so when I reached the part you talk about the hospital, I was all "wtf?"... FJ, I'm sorry you went thru all that, and I'm here to say we hope you get better soon, we miss you a lot and please know you are loved!

Also, we hope to see you soon, although, under the circumstances, I'm ashamed to invite anyone to this so called country -- hopefully we'll fix that soon.

Lots of (gentle) hugs and love,
-- Paulo.

Date: 2016-12-09 01:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bootjac.livejournal.com
well, crap, i KNEW i was doing something wrong. I keep trying to carry wood and chop water.... and you know, that's just a big fail waiting to happen...

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