(no subject)

[fj]

I keep looking at my friends' 'I Never' lists and thinking how many of their 'I Nevers" I could fix for them.

"So all I have to do with him is have watersports sex at work and in the public parking lot while riding an elephant..."

Comments

[drevilmoo.livejournal.com]

Didn't we do that one already?

[fj.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think we did.

Oh good, that means I am an expert now!

[geminigirl]

I'm just not doing it...too many things that would require too many overlapping filters to be okay with.

[mangosteen]

Apropos of nothing, I was handed this link and immediately thought of you.

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/how_to/the_nonexpert_ikea.php

[geminigirl]

But you're going to come down when we start to put the house together, after I move, right?

(It'll be a combination of the pieces I already own, much of which is Ikea and some new stuff because what I own isn't worth keeping.)

[fj.livejournal.com]

(X) I never went to an IKEA I couldn't handle.

Which tells me there is monet to be made as an IKEA consultant or shopping-escort. Husbands can pay me to take their wives though IKEA.

[jss]

And wives can pay you to take their husbands in Ikea? (Yes, the choice of preposition is intentional.)

[fj.livejournal.com]

(X) I never had a good enough offer to start having sex for money again.

[mittelbar.livejournal.com]

It's like babysitting -- people need it desperately, but never want to pay enough to make it worth your while.

[fj.livejournal.com]

(That is really a brilliant observation.)

In my case it is that I never get to pick the babies.

[jss]

I first misparsed that as "...pick the babes" and got very confused. Maybe I should go back to my "short" afternoon nap. (It lasted 6 hours.)

[italiangm.livejournal.com]

Can I watch?

[jss]

Sure, though you'll have to pay your own travel and expenses. Unless we decide to film (or otherwise video) it.

[italiangm.livejournal.com]

We'll have an IKEA in Dallas next year. :)

[jss]

So if you got me to smoke pot, crash your car, and paid me to have sex with you in Japan in public (and get me to throw up in a bar after fisting me), that'd take care of 7 of mine right there. Probably 8, since after all that we'd probably get arrested too.

[fj.livejournal.com]

I dunno about the arrest, I think we could pass it off as performance art.

[drevilmoo.livejournal.com]

Doing it and calling it "Performance Art" negates doing it in the first place. You have to MEAN it.

[jss]

Okay, sounds like a plan. Which of us supplies the pot, and who pays for the flight to Japan?