(no subject)

[fj]

I should blog my sushi adventure, and being at a BBQ the next day where I met kids rumored to be the posse of people Lindsay Lohan was partying with the night she recently completely flamed out, but it is too much work to write it all to do it justice, especially the sushi part (Hama, in Venice, where we didn't order anything but told the chef in front of us at the bar what we liked and then had her take us on a trip. I have eaten things there I thought I never would.)

Instead, I keep thinking, as I have today, about how deceptive blogging can be if it is used as a public diary. Here you go, reading one entry after another about this and that, getting some idea about the life the writer leads, a little insight in how s/he thinks, then maybe a few days silence, and then it's "Dear LJ, I am fine but I am in rehab" or "Hey guys, we're splitting up after 13 years." (Yes, I guess I am admitting I am guilty of that too, although in my defense I have to say that, although there were issues, the split was a little on the unexpected side in this quarter. In my offense, jpeace is right when he says my public persona here is very strictly managed. But it is not to make me look good, it is to not bore you that I so carefully select what I write. Because if it bores you, imagine what it is like for me to have to write it, and proof-read it about 3 times.)

So when people discuss the little fights or problems or disagreements or hang-over or crying jags, the writers know they are opening themselves up to comments about being exhibitionists. Maybe it can be argued that some of it is, that the writing leaves an aftertaste of trolling for comments or not wanting comments but convey suffering, that validation will only be valued if it is offered in the form of adoration of some kind. I have been there in all forms, I am a vain man with fragile pieces to his ego. I understand wanting comments and not wanting comments in all forms.

But whatever gets said about people who blog their minutiae honestly -- well, not so much minute to minute but more the small troubles and tribulations -- at least they don't leave you wondering as a reader "Man, did I know you at all?" when the Big Event gets announced, "Here you are telling me about the subway lines for months and it turns out that for the same amount of time you were being stalked by a convicted felon?"

But writers should only care about that surprise coming up in their readers if their explicit intention was to let people to get to know them intimately, because the aforementioned question coming up means the writer is not writing effectively. For anyone who is just here to vent or comment on their own lives or write to remember noteworthy things or explore other characters or any other reason people LJ, surprising your readers by not building up to major breaks in your life shouldn't be an issue at all. Just because you post here doesn't mean any reader has a right to know anything about you, including that you are leading what could be termed a double life.

I keep needing to remind myself of that when some denoument happens, that as a reader I have 0 right to feel super surprised or even slightly betrayed. If I feel involved for just reading entries -- not by getting sucked into some months long commenting dialog that looks like an Internet game, that is a whole other level, but just reading entries -- that is my own creation. At most, when the shit hits the fan, I get to be supportive.

Comments

[bullneck.livejournal.com]

An interesting run-down of the perils and pitfalls of LJing every moment...and of not doing so. I agree with you on all your points, although I guess one can't help but expect to surprise 'readers' with big news when it comes out of the blue, no matter how well-placed one may think one's 'readership' may be w/r/t one's life.

[chrishansenhome.livejournal.com]

After beginning blogging with little idea of why, I've decided that it keeps me updated with what I was doing at important moments. In a way, I could care less if anyone else bothers to read my blog; I don't have a lot of comments and that's OK with me.

[cubdaddy.livejournal.com]

"Dear LJ, I am fine but I am in rehab"

ROFL

I <3 U

[hotkarmasundae.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who got 4 out of 2 plus 2.

[cubdaddy.livejournal.com]

Bend & Snap

[fj.livejournal.com]

It was pretty much verbatim from a locked entry three entries below this one on my flist.

[pa747sp.livejournal.com]

I think everyone uses blogging for different things. I try not to talk to much about what is happening to me ('cos honestly, most of it is dull ) but rather, what I am thinking.
I am aware though that others use blogging to talk openly about their lives, loves and losses. And I for one enjoy this. It is slightly weird though to know so much about people I have never met, and probably wont. To me, it is one of the wonders of the net.
One of the slightly unsettling things is that I have friends in Melbourne who also read my blog, so when I catch up with them they talk to me about things I have written. I find that odd.

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

I agree with all your points. When it comes to big announcements, I'm aware that I'm writing to people who know me in real life, or have read my journal for many years, so I try to include a brief backstory if necessary in order to give the post some context.

What kind of LJ posts immediately draw your attention or make you happy to be reading LJ?

[katbyte.livejournal.com]

I like reading about my diverse friends.

Whatever they choose to share with me, it is all interesting in it's own way.


I feel bad for them when things go wrong, and wish I could help.

I try not to be judgemental because I really don't know them in the truest sense.

I just am thankful to widen my horizons through lj.

I am glad to know just a small part of you. Make sense?

[hotkarmasundae.livejournal.com]

I echo the sentiments of bullneck; I keep my LJ to help chronicle the highs and lows of my own life.

Yet, I also do it to share those same points with a wide and diverse group of friends who do not live in close proximity to me. Posting once is easier than sending multiple e-mails and/or telephone calls.

[biaggi.livejournal.com]

At most, when the shit hits the fan, I get to be supportive.

And that is lovely, actually--a bit more than an "at most," it seems to me.

I think I post things that could but probably wouldn't elicit comments (I typed "illicit" the first time). I guess I think of it sort of like certain forms of psychoanalysis in which a reinforcement of the ego (in the sense of a psychic agency, not in the sense of self worth) isn't necessarily a good thing. There's something kind of fun about not exactly knowing if someone reads what you write, which can call for a different form of frankness.

[wrayb.livejournal.com]

I write my journal entries mostly to give other LJers some picture of who is lurking and reading their journals. Therefore crafted selected slices, very little day to day and only hints of any dramas. A lot more of me slips into my comments in other people's LJ; although it is not uncommon for me to cancel a comment when I realize it is more about me rather than a reply (this comment for example...).

As for reading LJ, perhaps it is a combination of my preferred form of filling the what others seem to get from reality tv and an opportunity to select the people whose lives and world I share from a wider pool than co-workers and neighbors; particularly since I was feeling that my life became basically work and parenting and with very questionable results in both areas. Although there are weeks when I don't LJ at all.

[chucknoblet.livejournal.com]

Dear LJ, I am fine but I am in rehab

I'm assuming this isn't me, but - was it a surprise when I did that?

[fj.livejournal.com]

Yes, actually. You barely mentioned blackouts or even how drunk you were last night. When it first broke I started to wonder just how much remodeling was done intoxicated. Did this man wield a nail gun drunk?

[chucknoblet.livejournal.com]

bahaha :) I'm not sure why I never mentioned it, I guess it never seemed newsworthy.

And it's safe to assume that anything I did or said after 6pm from 2005-2007 was done or said drunk :-D

[fj.livejournal.com]

That is also another angle to reporting addiction: when in the middle of it, when it doesn't involve selling your blood or turning tricks, but just going to the store, the patterns may just not seem newsworthy.

So, now that you are sober, are you looking at the old work and going "jeeeezus I need to rip this out... who did this, some drunk?"

[chucknoblet.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, most of what I did before seems no worse than what I'm doing now. The function is great, the form is not, but my aesthetic sense has never been very sharp.

Of course, I have trouble seeing the improvements in anything around me (work, relationships, etc.), but that is probably just another case of twisted perspective - the opinion from outside of me is pretty unanimous that I'm nicer, more present, and just all around more functional.

[penz.livejournal.com]

Your view on LJBlogging reminded me of this quote by Richard Bach:

"All we see of someone at any moment is a snapshot of their life, there in
riches or poverty, in joy or despair. Snapshots don't show the million decisions that led to that moment."

Enough said :)