Naked On The Internet

[fj]

Was at a marvelous pancake brunch recently thrown Mr and Mrs zzbottom, where the topic of conversation briefly veered into having naked pictures of oneself being available on the Internet. Most of the people in my direct vincinity responded immediatly with "Yeah. I am so naked on the Internet. Totally."

I had to admit I am too. Except it isn't me.

Ok, so it seems I have one of those faces. Everywhere I have lived one or more of the local friends I have made reports to me having seen me somewhere at some time where I couldn't possibly have been. Usually they don't approach "me" because I looked so pissed off or was in a hurry. This has happened to me in Velp. In Amsterdam. In Boston.

I also get told by new people I meet I look just like... wait what was his name. It's on the tip of their tongue. No, nobody famous. I once had a dinner party of twenty young upper-middle class recent grad starting-out British people discuss in impeccable accents just who that person was, no they knew exactly who the other one meant, oh what was his name. I am pretty used to it.

It has spread, my dopplegangers are everywhere, at various levels of matchingness. It's like finding out there really are parallel universes but the other you-s all relocated to this planet and to live on their different choices and lives. The latest report (from drevilmoo) is of a doppelganger which is me as a Texas rancher. Really creepy was the one time I myself actually ran into one: I walked into the Grand Cafe De Jaren, scanned the room to find a table, and my heart skipped 7 beats when I spotted myself in the distance, ten years older than I myself was. Hair, facial shape, laugh, movements, chin-waddle. I kept staring in abject horrified fascination until Ingeborg came up and snapped me out of it. I pointed my future self out -- not much liking what I saw, he wasn't at all Leading Man material -- and she barely glanced and said "Lots of people look like you. Yeah, I vaguely see this one."

I am not exagerating any of this. I just wanted to mention that. It also means that there is a whole goup of us to whom this is constantly happening. The parallel people that all look like me and each-other are going through this in their own lives as well. It happens to me less so now I am dying my hair wildly and am no longer clean-shaven, so I kinda dropped out of the frat, I guess.

The same mal-adjusted overeducated steer mentioned above and his partner photoglh showed me, last time I visited, a picture from the Internet of me getting a blowjob. Except I would have remembered that couch. Or the guy. And the body was kinda me, but not quite -- I do not shave the hair on my body, and this guys was damn smooth -- and the face could very very well have been me, but was not unmistakeable.

I seem to have outsourced being a fleeting Internet sex-object.

Comments

[stealthpup.livejournal.com]

Try running for President. That'll get the pictures out in droves.

(OK, OK, citizenship requirements are going to be a problem with that. How about giving Shrub a blowjob, then? We'll have plenty of bleach for a rinse-out afterwards.)

[rsc.livejournal.com]

What a horrendous thing to wish on a friend. (Or even a short-of-deadly enemy.)

[stealthpup.livejournal.com]

Look at it this way: not only does he shake out the Internet porn pix, but he provides a means to keep Shrub and his lackies too busy to fuck up the country, once the pictures get released to every Baptist church in the nation. He's doing it for the good of the US populace. It's a calling, I tell you.

[pinkfish.livejournal.com]

I was just cleaning out my mailbox and discarded a pic of a sign that said, "Monica! Occupe-toi aussi de Bush!" (Monica, get busy with Bush, too!)

[fj.livejournal.com]

But I don't see why I would want those pix flushed out -- we are both happier with thyem being where they are.

And I am so not taking one for the team just because the team couldn't vote properly.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

And furthermore, it's way more fun than the Boob-in Chief deserves.

[bitty.livejournal.com]

Hm. How does "international porn star" look on a green card application, anyway?

[fj.livejournal.com]

Really. Bad.

I can't see how to make the occupation pass the Labor Certification fase, seeing that it is not permanent employment. Then there's the fact that you will be having sex for money, which is illegal and 'immoral'.

[bitty.livejournal.com]

I need to start writing that sitcom already, don't I.

Your doppleganger might actually be you

[jwg.livejournal.com]

Maybe those dopplegangers are actually you! I often have these dreams where I am somewhere with unrecognizable people in an unrecognizable place. Yet these dreams are about a perfectly plausible situation for me; I could have really been there. Suppose that those are just little vignettes of incidents in my double life? In other words it isn't my imagination that is creating this dream, but these things really happened when I was in a parallel universe.

[cinenaut.livejournal.com]

Funny that this topic should come up. I was going to mention in one of my own entries that one of your doppelgangers was at the Underbear party at the Eagle (Seattle) Friday night.

One of thaaang's doubles was there too.

[thaaang.livejournal.com]

I apparently have a doppelganger in Madison, too, but I've yet to see him (as far as I know). I think it'd be interesting to run into a double, though.

[roosterbear.livejournal.com]

I also get told by new people I meet I look just like... wait what was his name. It's on the tip of their tongue.

Before I met my birthmother, such a report would make me kind of obsessive for details, until I somehow established that said doppleganger was not around my age. I realized, when someone finally pointed this out to me, that I was thinking I might have a twin brother out there, and thinking I might have just stumbled across him.

I think I was also fascinated with the prospect of meeting someone who looked like me. Meeting my birthmother got me over that one; I definitely borrow heavily from her side of the gene pool.

[grandiva1968.livejournal.com]

I used to get that type of thing a lot when I was still in to car crusing, because my doppleganger also drove a Jeep Cherokee the same color as mine.

I got more sex from the fact that I looked just like someone or another for several years.