Naked On The Internet

[fj]

Was at a marvelous pancake brunch recently thrown Mr and Mrs zzbottom, where the topic of conversation briefly veered into having naked pictures of oneself being available on the Internet. Most of the people in my direct vincinity responded immediatly with "Yeah. I am so naked on the Internet. Totally."

I had to admit I am too. Except it isn't me.

Ok, so it seems I have one of those faces. Everywhere I have lived one or more of the local friends I have made reports to me having seen me somewhere at some time where I couldn't possibly have been. Usually they don't approach "me" because I looked so pissed off or was in a hurry. This has happened to me in Velp. In Amsterdam. In Boston.

I also get told by new people I meet I look just like... wait what was his name. It's on the tip of their tongue. No, nobody famous. I once had a dinner party of twenty young upper-middle class recent grad starting-out British people discuss in impeccable accents just who that person was, no they knew exactly who the other one meant, oh what was his name. I am pretty used to it.

It has spread, my dopplegangers are everywhere, at various levels of matchingness. It's like finding out there really are parallel universes but the other you-s all relocated to this planet and to live on their different choices and lives. The latest report (from drevilmoo) is of a doppelganger which is me as a Texas rancher. Really creepy was the one time I myself actually ran into one: I walked into the Grand Cafe De Jaren, scanned the room to find a table, and my heart skipped 7 beats when I spotted myself in the distance, ten years older than I myself was. Hair, facial shape, laugh, movements, chin-waddle. I kept staring in abject horrified fascination until Ingeborg came up and snapped me out of it. I pointed my future self out -- not much liking what I saw, he wasn't at all Leading Man material -- and she barely glanced and said "Lots of people look like you. Yeah, I vaguely see this one."

I am not exagerating any of this. I just wanted to mention that. It also means that there is a whole goup of us to whom this is constantly happening. The parallel people that all look like me and each-other are going through this in their own lives as well. It happens to me less so now I am dying my hair wildly and am no longer clean-shaven, so I kinda dropped out of the frat, I guess.

The same mal-adjusted overeducated steer mentioned above and his partner photoglh showed me, last time I visited, a picture from the Internet of me getting a blowjob. Except I would have remembered that couch. Or the guy. And the body was kinda me, but not quite -- I do not shave the hair on my body, and this guys was damn smooth -- and the face could very very well have been me, but was not unmistakeable.

I seem to have outsourced being a fleeting Internet sex-object.

Comments

[rsc.livejournal.com]

And furthermore, it's way more fun than the Boob-in Chief deserves.